Thursday 25 July 2013

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We complete all the paperwork, medical forms, home study, etc… necessary to be certified through the state and Agency A. It was the same procedure as preparing for an adoption; however, we would not be keeping any babies long term. We received calls several times about potential babies, but only received one baby in the year we had left there. Little baby Ashton (nicknamed ‘Marvin J’ by us) came from Agency C and stayed with us for two weeks. We sure loved on him, as well as all our friends there, and enjoyed having a boy around the house for awhile. Basically it was a way for us to give a good home to a baby in transition without actually dealing with the stress of adopting. It was like “dipping our toes in the water, without actually taking the plunge” is what I often say. Through this experience we also saw how working with an agency can be, and how we felt about loving a child that wasn’t biologically ours.
Needless to say, we were sad when we moved to UT and figured out that the state does not need Baby Boarding families. I could have bean a baby boarder forever and been happy just because I love babies in the newborn stage! For awhile it didn’t seem as though we would ever adopt since we could so easily have our own, but it quickly became apparent that this was not the case.
Of course, we have done anything and everything in our power to correct the secondary infertility. I had my husband give me a blessing at one point that specifically stated there was another baby for our family. And we both feel that to be accurate… but we weren’t getting a baby here. About four months ago, I started thinking about the whole adoption process again. At first, it was just passing thoughts here and there, but after a while it started to weigh on my mind more and more. I began to talk to my husband about it again.
We decided that if we were going to ask Heavenly Father to bless us with another baby we needed to also allow that the baby may need to come via another means. We both decided that we would open up all the channels possible and see how and if Heavenly Father would do the rest. So a few months ago we started the loads of paperwork once again to get certified as adoptive parents.
Currently, we have completed all the initial paperwork, which entails medical forms, financials, four reference letters, an ecclesiastical leader endorsement, fingerprinting, FBI background checks, etc. We have had our initial interview with Agency A, and filled out its paperwork online. (This entails another 2 weeks worth of questionnaires to match babies with our family and pretty much life histories for each member of our extended families and immediate family.)
My husband and I still have individual interviews with the agency, a home study review (where they look for things like fire extinguishers, baby locks etc…), and to complete our online profile (what the birthmoms see) before we will be completely done. We are about three weeks out.
We have already had some neat experiences in getting thus far. Before the adoption stuff started, I was having a lot of anxiety over my whole infertility issue. I was stressing every month, feeling bummed, etc, however since the day we handed in our initial packet for adoption, I have felt nothing but calm and peaceful. I hadn’t mentioned that to my husband, but one day he simply turned to me and said he had been feeling unbelievably calm. I totally agreed and we both recognized that we had been feeling the same way without knowing it. That was the turning point.
ome young mothers who grew up in the 1980s deprived of pinks, lace, long hair and Barbies, Paoletti suggests, rejected the unisex look for their own daughters. “Even if they are still feminists, they are perceiving those things in a different light than the baby boomer feminists did,” she says. “They think even if they want their girl to be a surgeon, there’s nothing wrong if she is a very feminine surgeon.”
Another important factor has been the rise of consumerism among children in recent decades. According to child development experts, children are just becoming conscious of their gender between ages 3 and 4, and they do not realize it’s permanent until age 6 or 7. At the same time, however, they are the subjects of sophisticated and pervasive advertising that tends to reinforce social conventions. “So they think, for example, that what makes someone female is having long hair and a dress,’’ says Paoletti. “They are so interested—and they are so adamant in their likes and dislikes.”
In researching and writing her book, Paoletti says, she kept thinking about the parents of children who don’t conform to gender roles: Should they dress their children to conform, or allow them to express themselves in their dress? “One thing I can say now is that I’m not real keen on the gender binary—the idea that you have very masculine and very feminine things. The loss of neutral clothing is something that people should think more about. And there is a growing demand for neutral clothing for babies and toddlers now, too.”
“There is a whole community out there of parents and kids who are struggling with ‘My son really doesn’t want to wear boy clothes, prefers to wear girl clothes.’ ” She hopes one audience for her book will be people who study gender clinically. The fashion world may have divided children into pink and blue, but in the world of real individuals, not all is black and white.
Correction: An earlier version of this story misattributed the 1918 quotation about pink and blue clothes to the Ladies’ Home Journal. It appeared in the June 1918 issue of Earnshaw's Infants’ Department, a trade publication.
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